i never post recipes anymore

You know what is amazing?
The fact that I have any friends at all. 
I think about this sometimes. 
Because I am so weird. 
So fucking weird. 
So distinctly not normal. 

But then, the hilarious thing, is that whenever I talk to someone else, I am almost immediately convinced of their distinct abnormality. 

I have never met a normal person in my life. 

We are all so fucking messed up. 
Nothing is black and white. 
Nothing is clear. 
Everything is shades of gray.
Everything is messy. 
Everything is complicated and complex and confounding. 

And I have always thought that things could be clear, that people could be normal, that the world was simple. 

It's not. 
Not at all. 

And I am learning to be okay with that. I am trying to love the shades of gray, the loopholes and frustrations and exaggerated twists and turns of being alive and being young and being foolish and doing foolish things and feeling and thinking both not enough and too much at the same time. 

And within this foolish, exaggerated, emotive world, food has taken on this ridiculous importance. 
I have had some wild and glorious and weird times this year, I remember them thusly:

That Night I Embarrassed Myself but the Milkshake Beforehand Was Excellent
The Night of The Best Tiramisu Ever In the History of Mankind
The First Chocolate Malt I Ever Drank with My Brother with The Rolling Stones Blasting
The Eve of the Sad Gelato That Made Me Dislike Tuesdays Less
The Slightly Awkwardly Confessional Thai Dinner
The Disgusting Pizza Eaten at a Ridiculous Hour in a Not Good Place to Eat a Disgusting Pizza
The Insane Potlucks
The Noon of the Delivery of the Apology Cookie
The Afternoon of the Angsty Macaroni and Cheese That Was Surprisingly Good
The Carton of Ice Cream, Eaten in The Rain
The Afternoon of Aloneness and Jasmine Green Tea and a Mysterious Chocolate Confection known as a "Tippy Bar" 
The Night of The Greatest Apple Fritter of My Life On The Way to the Beautiful Park
The Morning of the Regretful Egg Sandwich 

I would say I've been living fully. 
I would say that it's been great. That it's been grand.
That I'm ready for summer. 
That I bet you are too. 
That I bet you're ready for a real recipe. 
I am too. 

But in the meantime, cheers to more shades of gray, to more blessed foolishness, to more meals. 
To more eating with the friends you've got. 
To more weirdness. 
To more bewilderment. 
To more wonderment.